Day 201, gray with upcoming nightmare

CW: Pandemic, quarantine, US politics

.

We’ve had cloudy, rainy weather for the past several days but it feels unreal, like something I’m watching in a movie. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t go out in it or if it’s because I’ve only left the apartment 3x or if it’s because my government acts like a villainous organization from a movie and actual, real live people here think that’s okay.

We’re fully in fall. I can see the leaves changing from my window, but I can’t go looking for the maples and their brilliant oranges. I want to take a mountain drive but I definitely do not want to risk the gas station. And I have to find emotional time and space to yell at senators and representatives to NOT fill Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s empty seat before the inauguration. (I know how sneaky some folks can be. Not enough to say wait until election.)

Another thing about fall: it’s allergy season for me. The season of swollen eyes and random moments of teary eyes. I miss getting my allergy shots, as weird as that sounds.

And all of this is just smoke screen to NOT think about the fact that the election is 36 days away, and there’s a debate tonight, and no matter what’s said it’s all awful we’re here.

As if it isn’t enough that a literal million people have died from this terrible disease as of yesterday. Day 200. One. Million.

Fuck, I’m terrified.