Day 294, the last day of 2020

OhGodsIt’sAnEndOfYrPost

So here we are. It’s that time.

First off, I am so, so sorry for those of you who have been particularly smacked down by this year. I know so, SO many people who are in crisis, who have been in crisis, who can’t get OUT of crisis. All I can say is KEEP ON HANGING IN THERE. I love you. I know it’s hard, and I wish I could do more than I do.

For those of you still working against crushing trauma, you might want to stop reading here, just in case, since I’ll be talking in a vague way about my own trauma.

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As much as I know it won’t start this way, I do very much wish a Happy New Year to everyone. I don’t expect 2021 to magically be a better year for most people, and I’m really worried about the impact of the pandemic, the complications of vaccination, the vulnerable among us. I’m also worried that there will be a “White House South” here in the US, & things will get worse there. I’m working to *make* it better, to make a just and beautiful world for everyone, and I’m hoping the rest of you will as well.

I do want to share one big thing with my readers: this year really showed me how COOL people can be. How creative, how unique, how interesting. I really enjoy seeing what people do with new media, new ideas, new venues. I’m grateful to be witness to it.

As for me? As bad as 2020 was in almost all ways, it was a good year, psychologically, for me. This is the year I was released from three self-sabotaging beliefs:

1. the belief that I didn’t deserve to write
2. the belief that all my old friends hated me
3. the belief that I could not escape my past childhood trauma

Interestingly, they’re all intertwined with each other, and I didn’t expect that. I had been trying to address each of them individually, but they were all feeding each other in my head. I had to get all three out at once.

Summer changed everything, starting in mid-May and ending in late August.

So as much as I wish 2020 didn’t happen to everyone ELSE I know? Without the isolation that changed how everything was done and how we all interacted, I don’t think I could’ve grabbed these poison plants and pulled them out at the root.

I’m looking forward to 2021, and what’s gonna grow in this garden now.

Published by killerpuppytails

Really Quite Deadly.

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