quarantine

New Moon Rant – v1

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CN: this is about the virus.

Some people say that humans are all relatively similar on a base level – that we all want the same things. Survival, safety, love, belonging, pleasure, self-esteem. That we can understand each other better if we understand that. Maslow, Grawe, Gagné and so so many more – psychologists have delved into this in detail for ages.

What I’m realizing with great clarity right now is that the definition of the terms seriously matters.

Right now, a lot of people across the world are fighting for survival. Literally millions of people. And right beside them are people trying to help them survive.

And then there are the people who say that wearing a mask, or social distancing, is “living with fear” and so they won’t do it.

Now I get that some people can’t breathe with a mask or have health issues that make this difficult. I’m not talking about those folks. I’m also not talking about the hoaxers. Those poor people are either massively deceived or brainwashed or both*.

I’m talking about folks who believe masks should be optional. That social distancing should be optional. That they should be able to go anywhere they want without a mask and other people can wear masks if they’re so scared, because they’re not going to live in fear.

…. um.

Now I’m not scared of the world; I’m scared of THEM.

Because honest to every freaking god there is, SHOULDN’T we be AFRAID TO KILL PEOPLE? Even accidentally? Isn’t that what morality is about?

I seriously can’t anymore.

.

*Cmon I’m giving people the benefit of the doubt here.

Day 70, with Chocolate

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I’m at that point in the negotiations between my allergies and my foodieness/not-quite-supertasting thing where everything I can eat that I can make for myself is annoying for some reason, except for chocolate*. Thing is, I also swell like a balloon when I eat too much sugar, so regular chocolate is pretty much out right now, and I am not at ALL a fan of anything particularly bitter, so making my own from baking chocolate tends to be dissatisfying.

So I tripled-down on some ChocZero** chocolate varieties.

One of the interesting things about buying stuff from companies that spring up surrounding the keto craze (which I use due to aforementioned swelling and because it’s better than diabetic candy/chocolate) is that they change rapidly, and so you get to see the startup model close up. Companies come up, they get really popular, they run out of stuff, and then things evolve, or fail, from there. In the 6 years I’ve been eating low-sugar, only 1/3rd of the new companies I’ve seen have made it through the growing pains.

I thought ChocZero would be one of them. They had the standard “can’t meet demand” hitch, and sailed through it.

But then there was the other day, which has me a little worried for them. See, they started off sending their chocolate in regular boxes, then in branded puffy bags, then in branded foil-lined boxes. But the other day?

They send a whole damn soft cooler, branded. Like, on all sides, not just a logo on the top. And a nice one, at that.

That I didn’t ask for, nor was it billed to me. And no “special gift because you’re a great customer” note. :side-eye:

Okay, no, I get it. I do. Shipping something that is vulnerable to temperature extremes is difficult. I’ve often received ice packs with the shipment, and sending a cooler is a good way to take extra precautions. But in the meantime, this cooler is easily over $5 worth of product they’re sending to me unsolicited, and…

…well. I REALLY want this company to work. I love their product. I have a whole ‘nother rant about how products I love disappear from the market or get drastically altered by a new parent company even if the brand survives, which I’ll share at some point. And chocolate is a precious commodity. So when I see them tipping over into swag so soon? Yeah, I worry.

.

*don’t worry I also get to the point where even chocolate is annoying, but I try really hard to avoid crucifers a week before I get to that point, or else I end up eating something I’m allergic to. Like potato chips.

**CW: child labor
I know the issues with chocolate, and I do my research on chocolate companies before purchasing the 1st time. I’m a little bad at following up, though. When I first researched them they were not only fair trade but were also on an enslavement-free chocolate list, but I can’t find the latter list they were on. They do source from a South American company that is organic and monitored, and most places discussing this issue believe that South American companies are largely ethical in this particular way. Now ChocZero just needs to join in raising awareness… :side-eye:

Day 63, with Allergies

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4th day of allergic sniffle-snuffle tearstreamingTM, all while sitting inside the house.

Yet ANOTHER annoying thing about this quarantine is that if I’m gonna swell enough to look like the Claymation version of myself, I’d like to be able to be out in the pollen-swept airs of spring. Even if it made me worse, at least I’d be able to touch the new leaves and the rising saps. Pfeh.

Not gonna go out, of course. Claritin and me are gonna be BFFs for the next little while, and I think I can convince myself I’m not gonna die and there’s gonna be another spring.

Now if only other people in this world didn’t struggle to make that less likely for our more vulnerable populations. grr.

Day 59, with US Mother’s Day

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Since getting together with Jon, I’ve had a little tradition of sending flowers, a plant, or some such thing to my mother, grandmother, stepsister, mother-in-law and sister-in-law. This year I couldn’t send what I’d usually send because, yknow, not an essential business. So it’s a giftless Mother’s Day, this year.

I’m a bit taken aback how awkward and wrong it feels.

I mean, sure, we called and texted folks and had lovely conversations. Everyone understands the context we’re living in. I know no one feels slighted. Everyone is just happy everyone else is being safe.

So why does it still feel like I’ve let people down?

It might be a side effect of quarantine. After all, this isn’t good for anyone’s mental health, even while it is the best alternative to maintain people’s physical health. Or it might be that I’m upset at my lack of creativity – I wasn’t able to come up with a good alternative that would work for everyone involved.

In the end, I know this is a good thing because I love all these folks and want them to feel loved. But wow is it weird when one part of my brain decides to be inconsolable about something like this.

Here’s to all the people who care.

Day 49, with End-of-April vibes

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Wow, it’s the end of April already.

CW: commentary on the state of the world.

. . . um, some *enthusiastic* commentary.

So yeah. Almost two entire months of staying inside 90% of the time, masks for the other 10%, and working entirely from home.

On the one side, I have to say I am really delighted with my work team, and how generous folks are with each other, and how folks have stepped up to take on work they wouldn’t normally do. How free they are with compliments and help and support. I’d seen hints of it before, but you really get a sense of who folks are when in the middle of crisis. I am really proud of being on this team.

On the other hand, the world. Oh gods, the WORLD WHAT IS GOING ON WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE AND WHY IS THAT ORANGE GIBBON* OVER THERE USING A SUPER-SOAKER OF LIGHTER FLUID ON EVERYONE WHYYY

This is a fucker of a virus and everything I see about it is terrifying. The people – even doctors! – who want to treat it like it is equivalent to a seasonal flu are boggling… I mean, sure, the flu is dreadful and it kills a lot of people but usually that’s over the course of 5 months, not 2. The death rate since we’ve been tracking is pretty berserk, globally.

aaaaand that has me pretty messed up. Like, sure I can go on and do all the things but I’ve got brain splinters poking me in the back of the eyes kinda messed up.

I personally know 7 people who think they’ve gotten it, so far. One’s been confirmed, and it was dicey for a bit, but she’s moved out of the ICU today, thanks to all gods.

She’s significantly younger than me. So yeah, I’m worried for people.

Tomorrow, it’s May. We’ll be officially 1/3rd through 2020.

Crap.

* no I don’t mean Gritty get his name outa yer mouf.

Day 43, with Anniversary and Work-based Failure

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I’m not gonna talk about Russia’s new 5k, or Lysol having to issue a disclaimer about something the President of the United States said during a press conference*.

This post is a wee summary of a personal good and personal bad on the same day.

First, I have been struggling to get an update to one of my work products out the door. For like six months. It has been broken differently every single step of the way. And I thought we had it, but when the build was sent out yesterday? Everything crashed on my test device. It was a brand new device, too, so nothing to conflict with the app.

I was … surprisingly crushed. Sick-feeling. Tearing up. Like… it’s just an app. Built on a major platform. Why is it taking so incredibly long to build it and make it work? It USED to work.

Sheesh I’m tearing up just thinking about it. Six months wasted. And today was supposed to be the day we finally shared some progress with the rest of the community. Instead I had to write them all that there was a blocker and it was pushed to next week. (If it gets fixed, that is. Sigh.)

On the flip side?

Today is the 10th anniversary of the day Jon and I actively decided to be a couple**. Which isn’t a big thing, but it’s nice to have the marker. Makes for some extra happy kisses in the morning.

I’m hanging on to that, for dear life, this morning.

*I mean, Jesus fucking Christ what the hell timeline is this? Ionesco meets Palahniuk or something?

**There are not many things I’m Leslie Knope-ish about, but romantic anniversaries are one of them. But I promise – I don’t do the berserk giftie thing.

Day 41, with 50 yrs of Earth Day

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It’s weird that I can’t go out and enjoy the burgeoning spring on the 50th anniversary of Earth Day, but I get that the weirdness is also poignant and poetic. I’m not the best steward and I should learn more skills in that area, and figure out how best to protest misuse given my physical limitations.

Protest only once the quarantine is over, of course.

Day 40, with Overwhelm

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CW: Death toll, other associated numbers, general horror at the state of the world

Today is a rough one. A reeeeeally rough one.

I understand that anything that would make US governmental bodies shut down businesses would have to be bad. But today it hit me how bad it still is, vs my miniscule effort, vs all these days inside.

In the past two days, over 10K people have died globally. More people have died in the US between 4/20 and 4/21 than are, on average, killed by heart disease (the #1 killer in the US). The death rate right now in Spain is over 10%. The death rate in the US is 5% so far, and while New York’s curve is finally starting to flatten, as a country that curve is still climbing.

We’re doing incredibly badly at containing this monster, and I’m terrified for friends and family across the globe. If you’re reading me regularly you probably are already doing all you can, but if you stumble on me by accident? Please stay safe, don’t play chicken with this horrible thing.