Oh FFS

I know most people who read me are not supporters of 44.5, so yeah analogies of choir and bubble and WTFever here. But I am SO annoyed at the whole “NFL players should be fired if they don’t stand for the Pledge” BS. Where the fuck is your “both sides” bullshit rhetoric now?  You want to talk about disrespecting the flag?? The Confederate Flag is HELLA disrespectful, you baboon. And FFS the Nazi flag is WORSE.

As A Side Note

I am terrible at being honestly myself. I am also terrible at NOT being myself. Conundrum! I am, as a white person, allowed to be weird. But as a woman, I’m expected to fit certain parameters of behavior that I have a hard time matching.

It means that the friends I have who are insisting on their identity? Yeah, I will fight for them with every breath. This matters a LOT. I want everyone else to have the opportunities that I don’t.

I also want to become myself. Someday.

This is freedom. Evolving, growing, getting to become oneself and not be attacked, yelled at, whatevs by random assholes on the street. And that’s the thing – I know lots of really wonderful people who are politically right and would never. Would never. WOULD NEVER.

But.

Voting Trump in to the White House meant that those who WOULD do that kind of bullshit are now given license to be really explicit and loud about it. Flying a Nazi flag in San Francisco. Yelling at trans and gay people. Telling black people to go to the back of the bus. (I mean, what the FUCK.) Yelling at Muslims/Latinx/etc. to go “home” even when they’re born here. I mean, this is loud and large and *everywhere.*

it must be nice.
it must be nice.

to have whiteness on our side.

I will use my whiteness for good. Or, fuck, I’ll try.

Why the FUCK Does This Keep Happening? What is WRONG With Us, White People?

CW: Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, police brutality, really seriously gross murder details, talking about white people (and acknowledging I’m one)

<3

Are you ready? *deep breath, squares shoulders*

.

So I didn’t read or see any details about Mr. Sterling until after 3-something pm my time yesterday, because I fucked up something at work and was paying attention to fixing that fuckup.

(Side note: What LUXURY that is. That’s privilege, folks. That someone can be brutally murdered within a certain community and no one is texting me to cry about it, no one is sending me DMs to express their pain and outrage… I could easily have made it through the entire day without more than a cursory awareness of what occurred.)

And then I saw it. The photos were bad enough, but the videos? Father of five. Looking at the cops with complete incomprehension on his face. Thrown across a car and onto the asphalt by these cops, one of whom knelt on his neck and screamed in his face before taking out his gun and pressing it against him.

I fought not to throw up, even before I heard the shots.

I can hear the coming justifications now – criminal, selling illegally, he had a gun, he didn’t get on the ground freaking fast enough, he fought. According to the convenience store owner, Mr. Sterling didn’t do a damn thing wrong before the cops started yelling. And I defy ANYONE who isn’t a martial arts expert to not struggle when someone is kneeling on your NECK.

Anil Dash spoke truth to ignorance here:

It’s nothing more than white supremacy to think that somehow, this man on the street, someone respected by the people around him for *pulling himself up* after his criminal past, is more deserving of this treatment than Travis Kalanick, who comes from solid upper middle class roots, who has disclaimed any and all responsibility for the assaults that have been perpetrated by his employees (consultants or no) while breaking multiple laws in his effort to “disrupt” the industry.

And then this morning.  HOLY CRAP. I can’t EVEN fathom what the fuck happened there.

HE WAS IN THE CAR. He was INFORMING THE OFFICER HE HAD A CONCEAL AND CARRY PERMIT.

And bam.

This officer freaked the hell out because a law-abiding black man had a gun, because the ONLY thing he could imagine, after asking a man for his license and registration, was that he was going for that gun. I simply cannot FATHOM that there was any reasonable, logical reason for an officer to then shoot this man in front of his girlfriend and a 4 year old who was sitting in the back seat.

WHY ARE WE SO AFRAID? White people, WHY? Black people are NOT perpetrating violent crimes against us at ANY rate half as close as we perpetrate on ourselves. (Yeah, you talk about black on black crime – lemme talk about white on white crime sometime. Psh.) And yknow, we even might deserve what we’re actually afraid of, but it *isn’t happening* and we need to take a good hard look at ourselves and why this gut-level reaction is happening.

Because these are people. And they’re good people. And it is completely insufficient to say that they’re one-off reactions because we KNOW that isn’t true. Good people are being murdered – yes, murdered – and we are writing it off.

Stop looking at what you yourself would do (or think you would do) to people of color, white people. Start looking at what far too many specific assholes do publicly, and then recognize that for everyone who does something publicly, there are *five more* who will do something horrible to a POC’s face that we never see, and then look at what those numbers look like as a statistic about us.

Stop defending yourself. Start defending LIVES.

Because anyone who dares say All Lives Matter? I dare you to start ACTING like it.