The list of weird.
Otherwise known as a FAQ equivalent.
Q. Who are you??
A. Caterpillar, that’s what the About page is for.
Q. Why should I care who you are?
A. I honestly don’t know, but if you’re on this page, something must have piqued your interest. Let me know what it is when you figure it out and I’ll do more of it.
Q. Why should I be reading you?
A. If you’re even asking that question, then maybe you shouldn’t be. You should be off reading Terrible Minds or Well-Read Black Girl or Wil Wheaton or hell, maybe you’re the type who reads Snopes for fun – how the hell should I know? I don’t even know you!
Q. I like what I’ve read! Will you link to my blog?
A. Right now I only link to blogs in the question above, but if I actually get a following I’ll revisit that, and then we’ll see.
Q. Dude. I don’t know if you know this, but you’re seriously weird. Do you know this?
A. Why, yes! Thank you!!
Q. You do know that wasn’t meant as a compliment, right?
A. Well, we can’t all be blessed with perspective.
Q. What’s with all the footnotes/endnotes? Are you trying to be David Foster Wallace/Susannah Clarke/[insert other auteur here]?
A. No, I’m mostly trying not to bore you to tears with ten gazillion asides. My monkeymind is pretty intense. I leave a few of the asides in because they might be entertaining in context. But I make a concerted effort not to include more than one segue per paragraph.
I often fail.
Also, I don’t write my fiction like that. That would be a NIGHTMARE of organization.**
Q. What did [insert post here] actually mean?
A. I try not to be cryptic but occasionally I have to be. If you read a cryptic post just believe it isn’t about you.
Q. You deleted my comment!
A. I delete anything that either a) makes no sense or b) involves you being a dick.
Q. You’re a [insert racist/sexist/homphobic diatribe here]!
A. … Um, bye! *flush*
Q. You’re perpetuating [insert assertion of my racism/classism/homophobia]!
A. It wouldn’t surprise me. I want to support marginalized groups, but I do fuck up & have a lot of internalized shit still to work through. Happy to apologize & fix things where needed, but I won’t give up my crazy (as a person with mental health issues, it’s mine to keep) or my queer (because I am queer, always have been, & it’s the best way to describe who I am.)
Q. [insert sexual comment or sexual violence threat here]
A. I need you to know that I WILL mock you, and publicly… ’cause like, dude, I’m too old for that shit.
** I recognize the race, class, and ability privilege I have in being able to say this without worrying I’ll be judged for being lazy.